


Breaking Down

by agentlukaofshield (lukadarkwater)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5240300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukadarkwater/pseuds/agentlukaofshield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Fitz' kiss with Jemma, he and Bobbi have a talk about his emotions and Fitz finds a new way to channel his anger.  (I'm a sucker for big sister Bobbi helping out her favorite couple)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Down

Fitz’ fist smashed against the wall, pain tingling up from where his knuckles has scrapped against the rough brick of his bedroom in the playground.

It had been three hours since he had kissed Jemma and she was all he could think about.  
Her lips, her hands, her face when he had pulled back. All of these things were seared into his mind as nothing else was.

He could still feel her pressed up against him, clinging to him looking for all the world like there was no where else she wanted to be.

Of course Fitz knew that wasn’t true and that was why he clenched his jaw then, glaring down at his hand.

_Whack._

He punched once more, harder this time and couldn’t stop the curse that sailed from his lips as a warm trickle of blood began to flow around his fingers.

He hadn’t meant to kiss her, that had not been his intention when he followed her into the lab.

All he had known in that moment was frustration. He couldn't believe that Jemma thought he wasn’t angry. That she didn’t know how every mention of Will, every picture of them together, every thought of her being with him the way he had never been made acid boil in his stomach and his vision blur out.

He supposed it was partly his fault. For the sake of Jemma’s happiness, he kept that all under the surface. The thought of them drifting apart again after finally getting her back was more painful than he could bear.

He had shoved those thoughts down, locked them away in the back of his mind, but hearing about everything that had happened on the planet… everything that had happened with Will, just brought them raging to the front of his mind and made him want to punch something.

And so he did.

_Whack._

Another hit and this time he truly crumpled to the floor.

He had failed.

The kiss had been a last ditch effort on his part.

Over the past two years, Fitz hadn’t tried to flirt with Jemma. He hadn’t made advances on her. Heck, he could hardly hold a conversation with her when she came back from Hydra. So, he worried that she might not realize that they could be compatible in that way. From what she had told him about her and Will’s relationship, things were very physical and some animalistic part of his mind had whispered to him in the moment when he kissed her, _“Show her that you’re better than him.”_

It was a stupid thought, illogical for so many reasons, but he hadn't been able to stop himself.

And the craziest thing was, she had responded to him.

He had pictured their first kiss more times than he would like to admit. Run through a thousand different scenarios, a million ways that her lips would feel against his but nothing, nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of them actually kissing.

Their first kiss was not slow, not filled with awkward adoration, instead it was hot and fast. It was heat and his hands grasping her waist. Her sharp intake of breath when he had forced her up against the table and leaded fully into her. It was him losing himself in the feeling of her kissing him back and the press of every inch of her body against him, burning like fire.

And then, after it was over, Jemma had kissed him.

Her kiss had been the one that he had always imagined. Slow and soft, filled with a quiet wonder.

She had pressed one hand against his jaw and he wrapped her into his arms like he had always wanted to do, funneling all of his feelings for her into the way his lips moved across hers and the fingers that clutched at her shirt.

But it hadn’t been enough.

They had pulled away and she didn’t say _anything_.

He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting (though a declaration of undying love might of been nice) but she had just looked at him as he walked away and then her mind had snapped right back to Will.

Fitz slammed his elbow back into the door then, wincing at the pain that wasn't anywhere near strong enough to block out his broken heart and sighed wondering when the universe would stop plaything this sick joke on him.

“Fitz?” a voice called from the other side of the door.

Fitz startled a bit, not expecting anyone else to be up at this hour, but there was no hiding from the voice on the other side of the door.

He stood and, wincing a bit, opened the door.

Bobbi stood on the other side and while he wasn’t exactly surprised, he couldn’t help but feel a stab of disappointment that it wasn’t Jemma.

Bobbi didn’t say anything for a moment, taking in his bloody hand and his tear covered face.

“Oh Fitz,” she sighed.

She stepped forwards and tugged him into his room, letting the door shut behind her.

Fitz sat down on the bed while she made her way into his bathroom, turning on the faucet. She was back quickly, kneeling in front of him with a wet washcloth in one hand and the first aid kit from the bathroom in the other.

Then, with all the quiet skill that she possessed, she began cleaning the cuts on his hands and wrapping them in gaze.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, her voice breaking through the cloud of pain in his head.

Fitz worked a muscle in his jaw for a moment, trying not to cry anymore than he already had, before answering.

“I kissed her.”

The admission sent a shudder through his chest and rattled in the empty space.

Bobbi’s eyes watched him carefully.

“I kissed her… and she- she kissed me back.”

“But it wasn’t the type of kiss you wanted.”

Fitz shook his head, more tears falling down his cheeks to blot his jeans.

“I thought that - if I kissed her - I don’t know, she would pick me.”

His voice broke on the last word and he stopped fighting the sobs.

Through his tear-blurred vision, he vaguely registered Bobbi standing up and sitting beside him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled her against him, her hand making soothing circles on his back as he cried.

“Oh Fitz.”

“I didn’t even mean to kiss her but one second we were screaming at each other and next - I couldn't stop myself.” he gasped, leaning against Bobbi’s warmth as he cried.

“But that wasn’t even the worst part! It would have been fine if there was nothing there, if I didn’t feel anything and the kiss was awful or if Jemma had pulled away. But it was the exact opposite! It was amazing and I just wanted to kiss her again and I was happy when she kissed me because I thought - I thought -” he cut himself off again, gasping for air as all of his emotions surged through him.

“It’s okay Fitz,” Bobbi said softly, “It’s okay, just cry.”

And so he did.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, clinging to Bobbi like he used to do when he was little and his mother would hold him after he had been bullied at school, but at last his sobs subsided and he pulled away from her a little.

He placed his head in his hands, taking a shuttering breath to steady himself.

“Fitz, I know you’ve been trying to stay away from Jemma for her own good but have you ever considered what she’s feeling?”

Fitz didn’t respond.

“I know you don’t think this is true but she does have feelings for you. Feelings beyond friendship. When Jemma was alone on that planet, she clung to you to give her hope. You were going to save her. That was what she thought. But when she saw that bottle break, it was like you had gone with it. She clung to Will so she didn’t give up living. I know that doesn't make it any better but let me assure you that whatever happened tonight has been something that she wanted to do for a long time.”

“But she said she loved him. She told me straight out that she did. Whatever feelings were there before are gone now.”

Bobbi shook her head.

“Love is infinite, Fitz. You can love more than one person at a time. I know, I never stopped loving Hunter, not really, even when I was with other men. What Jemma is feeling right now is something I went through. But I also know that what she feels for you is so different from what she feels for Will that she’s having trouble sorting out which type is stronger.”

“So what am I supposed to do Bobbi?! Just wait around until she gets Will back and then hope that she chooses me? I’ll go insane!”

“I don’t know what you should do Fitz. Honestly, I don’t. This situation is… strange to say the least. But you have to stop pretending that everything is fine.” She picked up his bandaged hand and held it in front of his eyes.

“You can’t keep hurting yourself like this, it’s not healthy.”

“I don’t know what else to do, I can’t take it out on her, it’s not fair.”

Bobbi was silent for a moment, before standing.

“Follow me, I’ve got an idea.”

Fitz followed her out of his room and down to the weight room. He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing there until Bobbi handed him a pair of boxing gloves.

“What-”

She moved to hold the punching bag that hung from the ceiling and nodded to him.

“Do you know how to throw a punch.”

“Yes but-”

“Hitting things is okay so long as you do it properly. Whenever you feel frustrated, take it out on the bag instead of yourself, okay?”

Fitz felt a bit foolish standing in front of the bag. Most of his anger had faded into sadness by then and he just felt tired.

“Bobbi, I appreciate this but-”

“Look, just give it a few swings. I want to make sure your form is correct.”

Seeing that she wasn’t going to let him go, he look up a stance in front of the bag and sung.

_Whoom._

The bag made a muffled thud as his hand made contact.

“Put your back into it Fitz, it hardly moved that time.”

After a couple more swings, he was starting to get the hang of it and became lost in his own thoughts as he punched.

His frustration with Jemma.

_Punch._

Will.

_Punch._

The kiss that still lingered on his lips.

_Punch._

Every wasted moment before and after Ward sentenced them to death at the bottom of the ocean.

_Punch._

By the time Bobbi called for him to stop, he was covered in a fine layer of sweat and his chest was heaving. But, surprisingly, he felt lighter than he had in weeks.

“There! How was that?” Bobbi asked, coming up to take his gloves off of him.

“It was… good.”

“Good is good,” she said with a smile, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Look Fitz, I know this is hard on you and I wish there was some way that I could fix it but honestly, until Jemma sorts out her feelings, there’s not much I can do.”

“I know.”

“However, if you ever need someone to talk to or someone to hold the bag for you, you know where I am.”

She gave his shoulder a squeeze and turned to walk out.

“Bobbi, thank you.”

She smiled at him again and turned away once more saying, “Any time Fitz, anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write something like this for a while and, after the kisses last night, I felt the urge.


End file.
